Happy.

Recently, I've been thinking of the last time I was really, truely happy. And I can't remember.

Before anyone says, "you're 18 live life". I'm fed up of hearing this. Yes, I'm 18 and yes I have my whole life to live, thanks for reminding me. I've been thinking about my future. What the hell is going to happen?

I don't think I'm fit to be a dad, let alone a good husband. I'll have a shit job, shit income and a shit house. I'll have a 1993 Ford Fiesta. It will be red. I'll definetely be addicted to something, drugs or drink. Hell it could even be birds. Think about it. Really, think. You see old people doing stuff which seems really boring, bird watching or train spotting for instance. Am I going to spend my later life with a pair of binoculars, a piece of paper and a keen eye for a pigeon. I don't want this to happen.

Life happens in 3 different ways.

1.)You fall in love, you get married, you start a family, you grow old and you die.

or

2.) You fall in love, you get married, you start a family, you argue, you divorce, your kids grow up hating you, you grow old and die alone.

or

3.) You get run over and die.

That's it. What else is there to life? You work a shit job you hate, you lead a shit life you pretend to love? I can't handle that. So this has got me thinking. I want to grab life by the balls. There's a person that means way too much to me than they should. After everything that's happened, I'd still stand in thier corner. Is this love? or is this just what happens to everyone? At the moment I think number 3 is more likely to happen to me than number 1. Real deep.


The bird finally buggered off. I'm kinda sad, no matter how loud it was, it was always awesome to know theres a bird outside my window. Kinda like something watching over me. But then reality hits again and it's a bird. Does anyone actually do that? Talk to themselves? I'll be the first to admit I do. Most the time unintentionally. But it's always better having that one person who would listen to you. I used to have that. I think?

I don't know where lifes going to lead me, but I'm skeptical. I just hope some luck finally hits my way soon. I feel a right pillock telling you this blogspot!

I'm tired, night.
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